Friday, 27 January 2012

I will never get married ( to you).....

Men and Women, Boys and Girls....are all confused. In earlier times, the initial rush of pheromones was equated to love. The man wooed the woman who made his heart beat faster. She refused to give in unless there was an engagement or wedding ring on her finger. They learnt to work on their compatibility issues. They fear social boycott and stigma, in case of child before wed-lock, living together in sin, divorce or any behaviour that was not morally sanctioned by the society.

Today, people want to sample, they want to try out a vast variety, they do not want to work on compatibility or keeping the spice up and the temperatures soaring. They want it all, and they want it on a platter. Both parties are confused because no one ,knows any more , how serious the other party is. A lot of hearts are getting broken in the process. There is no fear of consequences, except perhaps alimony. There is no social condemnation. Boys especially are explained away as "Boys will be boys" . Everyone is looking out for themselves. We all want what the other has, so what if we have to snatch, seduce, lure or trap. People are losing faith in love and the institution of marriage and we all are equally to blame.

I have a few pointers here...if you hear these from your boyfriend/ girlfriend, take the nearest exit and go the opposite direction as fast as your two little legs can carry you.In the brackets is what they are actually trying to say to you....
When they say.... I never want to get married... ( the complete sentence is... to you)
I am not ready for commitment ( I'm too busy sampling and having fun)
I haven't thought about it ( I just want to see how far I can get with you, before I have to start answering questions).
I love you, but I'm not in love with you ( I'm trying to have my cake and eat it too, but I'll drop you like a hot potato when someone fancier comes along)
If after 6 months of being together, you have to still ask, what is the status of your relationship, just do your self a favour, don't ask, move on.....

To make matters more clear. Just imagine, a candy shop, all kinds of colourful candies, hard candies, chewy candies ,chocolates,lollies..... all kinds of flavors, shapes, colours and sizes .... now a child comes in. One child may know his favourite brand, he will go and buy it and be happy. Another child will come in and go crazy, he has no clue what he wants, he wants to sample all of them, he will not spend time on one to see if he likes it, he moves from one to another and the next day comes back to do the same. A third child comes in, his favourite brand is out of stock, so he makes do with the next best. if there are free samples being given, all of them will try it.

What I'm saying is, if a person is like the third child, he maybe with you, but he knows you're not his favourite brand, he will use, any or all of the lines I've mentioned above. The truth is, you're not the brand, he will have for the rest of his life. You're fine, till that brand arrives. These people, try to wash their hands off by saying "I never promised I'll marry you, I made it clear, there was no commitment", they act hesitant to introduce you to their friends and family. If they are out with you and another member of your sex passes them by, their body language shifts away from you, they won't hold your hands or hug you in public, they will try to have a miserable or bored expression on their face, as though they just hate being with you. They may even openly flirt with others in your presence. Do your self a favour, just move on.

You will not become their favourite flavor no matter how long you wait, no matter what you do. You will just end up feeling low in your self esteem, go through pain and suffering, you will turn bitter towards love in general. Six months is a good enough time, for someone to make up their minds, the rest is details that need o be worked on. If someones behaviour , words, actions, don't let you know you mean something to them, well then you don't, mean something to them. If you need to ask, fight for it or demand it, its just not there. If you ever ask, "what do you want ?" and their reply is "It's your call" what they are saying is "call it off"....don't prolong your suspense, its best to leave.

Sometimes you have to move out the clutter to make space for other new and better things. Just because you're hung up on someone doesn't mean, they are hung up on you too. If they were, you would know it,you would feel it.... Don't fall into the honey trap of words, learn to read between them, read the pauses after the phrase has been said. All the signs are there. You will save yourself a great deal of heart ache and bitterness, if you do move on faster than later. Avoid getting into role playing. You never need to be the victim. The power is in your hand. Don't allow your ego to fool your heart by telling you to hold on a bit more, try a little harder. Life does not end, if one relationship does not work out. If its commitment you're looking for, spell it out right from the beginning. No person is perfect, but most times, two imperfect people, make a perfect match. Som
( read more on my blogs : In search of love, I don't want to be alone, I don't want to be alone 2, Broken Hearts Anonymous, I want him back )

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