I think I know why God as to reincarnate in human form and come down on Earth. I know why Buddha had to suffer to attain enlightenment, why Krishna couldn't marry the woman he loved, and why Ram had his wife kidnapped. The reincarnations of God had to go through a lot in their human avataars. I used to think ,they meant to teach us something.They did, in the band they came to evolve and learn, they left behind us a lot of learnings, in some places they too failed miserably. I wondered about that for a long time, years in fact. I wondered if they were Gods how were they so flawed, yes they were in human form, but weren't they supposed to rise to the occasion, give us solutions, become our ideals, instead of idols to emulate, in every area of life....then I understood....
I remember, in the midst of my spiritual journey, the time in Germany , there had come a time I fought with God. I literally fought with him, I wrote him angry letters, I begged him to help me understand my lessons. I prayed for the situation to change. I was open for any number of changes , as long as the pain would stop. There came a time, I refused to light the diya on my table top temple. I told him, " if you want me to worship you, then act like a God, do a miracle". For a year my cold war with God continued. I kept studying, kept working on my relationship. The loneliness was killing me. I felt I was "Jailed" and thrown into solitary confinement....then one day , as I sat weeping alone on an empty bus stop. I didn't know where else to go. I had been through child birth. I had no job. I had no friends or family. Dolly my only friend there was going through a lot herself, and things were progressively getting worse in my marriage. I started talking to God again. I was bitter because I was trying so hard , yet nothing was making a difference. I was trying to understand my karmic balance, understand a lot of spiritual concepts yet I was getting angrier by the day. I felt cheated by destiny. Today I can say angry was better than being exhausted, it is better than giving up. That anger helped me get up and change my life a few months later.
That day at the bus stop, I bitterly spoke to God. You don't know my pain. You have not suffered a broken heart. You do not know what it is to be lonely. You have never know the joy of a job well done. You are God, above us all, indifferent to our prayers, indifferent because you've never known what it is to lead a human life. You don't know how easy it is to succumb to the darker side of your nature. Temptation after temptation comes your way to take the easy path. I may be angry with you, but it is you I turn to. I have never denied you. I never said there is no God. You may not need validation from one speck from this large universe you created, but I do. I need to know you are there and even though you may not understand the complexities of our emotion, you may not know what it feels like to have your heart and mind pull you in two opposing direction, you could at least show me you hear me.
I had a very long mental conversation with him. I have portions of it in the journal I used to maintain at that period of time. Now I wonder, since there is mankind, how many people must have thought these very lines. You're God, what do you understand of human pain". I believe words are powerful. Powerful not only for magic, dark or white, powerful to change your health, to attract wealth. Words can change lives.These powerful, emotionally charged words hurled at God, in despair by millions of people across time and age, they must have acted as some sort of curse, if I may use the word . These words were powerful in some sense to compel God to take the Avataars of human being. He/she was compelled to come down and go through emotions, trials and tribulations. He came down , because we wanted him to suffer like us. He failed and became flawed because that's the way he designed the human. For enlightenment one had to abandon his wife and new born child, to be good king another had to banish his dutiful wife. We have flawed Avataars. It feels good to know God does know the pains now, he knows sacrifice, he knows death and longing, he knows duty comes before dreams, he too suffered from a broken heart. I always believe people who experience great sufferings become kinder, more compassionate and empathetic. I sure hope, its the same effect on God...
I remember, in the midst of my spiritual journey, the time in Germany , there had come a time I fought with God. I literally fought with him, I wrote him angry letters, I begged him to help me understand my lessons. I prayed for the situation to change. I was open for any number of changes , as long as the pain would stop. There came a time, I refused to light the diya on my table top temple. I told him, " if you want me to worship you, then act like a God, do a miracle". For a year my cold war with God continued. I kept studying, kept working on my relationship. The loneliness was killing me. I felt I was "Jailed" and thrown into solitary confinement....then one day , as I sat weeping alone on an empty bus stop. I didn't know where else to go. I had been through child birth. I had no job. I had no friends or family. Dolly my only friend there was going through a lot herself, and things were progressively getting worse in my marriage. I started talking to God again. I was bitter because I was trying so hard , yet nothing was making a difference. I was trying to understand my karmic balance, understand a lot of spiritual concepts yet I was getting angrier by the day. I felt cheated by destiny. Today I can say angry was better than being exhausted, it is better than giving up. That anger helped me get up and change my life a few months later.
That day at the bus stop, I bitterly spoke to God. You don't know my pain. You have not suffered a broken heart. You do not know what it is to be lonely. You have never know the joy of a job well done. You are God, above us all, indifferent to our prayers, indifferent because you've never known what it is to lead a human life. You don't know how easy it is to succumb to the darker side of your nature. Temptation after temptation comes your way to take the easy path. I may be angry with you, but it is you I turn to. I have never denied you. I never said there is no God. You may not need validation from one speck from this large universe you created, but I do. I need to know you are there and even though you may not understand the complexities of our emotion, you may not know what it feels like to have your heart and mind pull you in two opposing direction, you could at least show me you hear me.
I had a very long mental conversation with him. I have portions of it in the journal I used to maintain at that period of time. Now I wonder, since there is mankind, how many people must have thought these very lines. You're God, what do you understand of human pain". I believe words are powerful. Powerful not only for magic, dark or white, powerful to change your health, to attract wealth. Words can change lives.These powerful, emotionally charged words hurled at God, in despair by millions of people across time and age, they must have acted as some sort of curse, if I may use the word . These words were powerful in some sense to compel God to take the Avataars of human being. He/she was compelled to come down and go through emotions, trials and tribulations. He came down , because we wanted him to suffer like us. He failed and became flawed because that's the way he designed the human. For enlightenment one had to abandon his wife and new born child, to be good king another had to banish his dutiful wife. We have flawed Avataars. It feels good to know God does know the pains now, he knows sacrifice, he knows death and longing, he knows duty comes before dreams, he too suffered from a broken heart. I always believe people who experience great sufferings become kinder, more compassionate and empathetic. I sure hope, its the same effect on God...
"... he has fun with the lives that he has created ... derives some sadistic pleasures when he sees us trying to swim ... gasping for breath... he is an absentee land-lord ..." such was the " insider thought of the devil on GOD ... little does DEVIL know he is the shadow of GOD ... well, where does this human race stand in all this existential battle , in the light of god or in his shadow ... this passage illustrates very eloquently this strange predicament of mankind ... superb dark wit penmanship about the quintessential human conflict ... :)
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