Our society, is an expert in one thing. It makes sure you feel in adept and like a failure, no matter what you do. It has parameters and standards, no one seems to meet and the few who do, seem far worse for it. A girl should be married of by a certain age, a boy must be settled into his career by another age, he has to earn a certain amount to be eligible for marriage. Only certain careers meet the standard of approval. Once a boy and girl are married, there is a certain decorum to be followed. After the first years, hints are dropped at every gathering about when the new member is expected, once the first child is a few years old, a second child should be on its way.Damned be your financial condition, your ambitions, damned be your emotional condition. Emotional needs seem very low on the priority list of this "society" Once you at a certain age, you must own your house , a car, have a certain lifestyle, your children must go to certain kind of schools...aah yes you must belong to certain clubs full of self obsessed influential people , who can't seem to see anything beyond their nose, their conversations revolving around how great they are and their achievements in life. Everybody who doesn't fall in line is declared a misfit, an outcast.
Why is a woman who smokes tagged a "bad woman", a woman who likes to dress up after having children " a loose character-ed woman", why is a woman who likes to have a career " money minded" and a man who doesn't " a useless bum", why are average students "mediocre", who makes these labels and why do we allow them to type cast us? Why is every divorcee is " husband snatcher", why does a man need to be married and "settled" to prove he's not a philanderer? A bank account becomes your statement of your growth in life. A good son, is one who makes his parents proud by becoming rich and successful , not by growing in his values and experience. A checkered career carves you to be a disappointment and an unfulfilled potential....
I tried to follow the diktats of society , for the first few years of my adult life. I got married straight out of college, built a home, got pregnant at the correct age, my husband had a job with a reputed firm abroad, on paper it all sounded so good. No one asked about happiness and compatibility. My well meaning friends told me to stop falling in love with paupers and settle down with a rich man who would provide me with all the luxuries. These poor men, had the lowest self esteem possible, they were fat, balding, insecure, they never had relationships, they felt unworthy of love. They came across as frightened men to me. I could just feel sorry. It turns out, they were relieved I was divorced and had a child, or else they could never dream of being with someone like "me". My history became some sort of victory for them. I shuddered.
Two of the fictitious characters I love the most , Scarlett O Hara from Gone with the Wind, and Dagny from Atlas Shrugged, made their own rules. They didn't give a damn about society, they lived life to the fullest. I admire their verve and identify with their attitude toward society at large. People in metropolitan cities may not understand what I'm going on about, yet I know, its not just in India that "misfits" flock to the film and television industry, they become artistes of some sort, after all society does deem all artists, actors, writers etc as eccentric. Within these industries, people cope with far more insecurities in their personal and professional life. It is a price they are willing to pay.The irony being there is another kind of "societal rules", giving priority to family life is frowned upon, you are considered un-cool , if you don't have regular line of dalliances.Here too you need to have established yourself by a certain "age", age appropriateness over rules talent and passion. Money and success are Gods here. Spirituality is something to be looked down upon.
Osho dared to try and start a different kind of society. I've not yet read much on him, the little I have, I admire the man. He dared to dream, he dared to tell people to stop trying to fit in and to be true to themselves. Its unfortunate the only thing he's remembered for is free-sex. I want to start a society of mine too. Someday, maybe I will. It may end up having prejudices of its own, but age will not be one of them....
Why is a woman who smokes tagged a "bad woman", a woman who likes to dress up after having children " a loose character-ed woman", why is a woman who likes to have a career " money minded" and a man who doesn't " a useless bum", why are average students "mediocre", who makes these labels and why do we allow them to type cast us? Why is every divorcee is " husband snatcher", why does a man need to be married and "settled" to prove he's not a philanderer? A bank account becomes your statement of your growth in life. A good son, is one who makes his parents proud by becoming rich and successful , not by growing in his values and experience. A checkered career carves you to be a disappointment and an unfulfilled potential....
I tried to follow the diktats of society , for the first few years of my adult life. I got married straight out of college, built a home, got pregnant at the correct age, my husband had a job with a reputed firm abroad, on paper it all sounded so good. No one asked about happiness and compatibility. My well meaning friends told me to stop falling in love with paupers and settle down with a rich man who would provide me with all the luxuries. These poor men, had the lowest self esteem possible, they were fat, balding, insecure, they never had relationships, they felt unworthy of love. They came across as frightened men to me. I could just feel sorry. It turns out, they were relieved I was divorced and had a child, or else they could never dream of being with someone like "me". My history became some sort of victory for them. I shuddered.
Two of the fictitious characters I love the most , Scarlett O Hara from Gone with the Wind, and Dagny from Atlas Shrugged, made their own rules. They didn't give a damn about society, they lived life to the fullest. I admire their verve and identify with their attitude toward society at large. People in metropolitan cities may not understand what I'm going on about, yet I know, its not just in India that "misfits" flock to the film and television industry, they become artistes of some sort, after all society does deem all artists, actors, writers etc as eccentric. Within these industries, people cope with far more insecurities in their personal and professional life. It is a price they are willing to pay.The irony being there is another kind of "societal rules", giving priority to family life is frowned upon, you are considered un-cool , if you don't have regular line of dalliances.Here too you need to have established yourself by a certain "age", age appropriateness over rules talent and passion. Money and success are Gods here. Spirituality is something to be looked down upon.
Osho dared to try and start a different kind of society. I've not yet read much on him, the little I have, I admire the man. He dared to dream, he dared to tell people to stop trying to fit in and to be true to themselves. Its unfortunate the only thing he's remembered for is free-sex. I want to start a society of mine too. Someday, maybe I will. It may end up having prejudices of its own, but age will not be one of them....
.... Age is just a number and there is nothing age appropriate ... this i have learnt vis-a-vis my self ... My parent married quite late in life , late by all standards , I was conceived when ma was 48 and dad was 57... and two more siblings post me ... so every rule book that the society has created regarding the "age appropriate-ness" of certain acts are just a pure hog wash , I agree with the writer when she says that age is just another excuse and prejudice , not to listen to your heart :)
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