Childhood is supposed to be a beautiful phase, carefree, stress free, you're the kings and queens of your little kingdoms. you're surrounded by friends of your fantasy fairies and pixies, angels, goblins or aliens if you please. Sadly enough traumas of childhood have the power to control your entire life.
Its true children are resilient and forgiving.
Infact grown ups can learn a thing or two about patience, persistence, forgiveness, about trust and faith. I believe if we parents could just forget for sometime, the difference in our age between us and our children, and treat them just as we would treat another adult in our space, just as another individual, if we set aside our ego that tells us we know more, we know better than them, then we would open our lives to a teacher no Guru, no spiritual leader or even books could teach you. My son made me a mother, he taught me unconditional love. That was just the beginning. Everyday as I observe him and talk to him , he teaches me something new. A perspective that changes my life. Just the other day, He wanted to know why I had stopped painting. I sighed, and told him I miss painting but since now three of us were there , there was not enough space for me to paint as oil painting needs arm space, on and on I droned feeling rather sad I had to give up my hobby. He looked at me with his big bambi eyes and said so what you can paint on the floor. He waved his arms about and kind of measured out my canvas in the air and said, see it will fit.
I agreed half heartedly. He then admiringly said, you paint so beautifully mamma would you teach me? I so wanted to impress my child so I said sure lets paint together. He chose water colors and I chose oil pastels. we took our oil papers and got down to work. It was one of the most beautiful times I had. I was absorbed in drawing. I wasn't bothered about impressing him with forms and style so I picked bright colors and colored my heart out. After a gap of 3-4 years I had painted again. This diwali he got me a " painting set" ( a few canvas boards and some colors) wrapped in beautiful silver wrapping paper and I choked. I hugged my tiny angel. Of all the people in my life, he is he one who listens, absorbs and gave me a present that no adult yet has managed. He reads his Roald dahl books as I read my books, he was patient with me when I was low and did not want to play games with him.
On forgiveness what can I tell you, he makes it simple when I'm wondering whether to call up a friend I've not been in touch with, he says just call!! I did call and spoke as he speaks with honesty and directness and the friends I'd withdrew from during my divorce phase are back in my life. When I get upset with him for not eating his breakfast quickly enough, I expected him to come home sulking from school but he comes home beaming as usual, ever ready for a hug.
He taught me to ask for what I want, as though its my right, he doesn't meander, he just says i need a hug, make me a new song, play with me, I want to eat sausages tonight. Its simple. Their is no room for miscommunication.
I could go on and on and I probably will in another blog, but coming back to childhood traumas, we adults crumple, stomp on this beautiful spirit, try our level best to mould them as we think a child should be like, say cruel things, labels them as slow or stupid and these belief systems stay with the child long after the body has grown up. Parents give rise to PAB ( passive aggressive behavior) leading a child into an endless loop of self sabotage. At worst we create sociopaths. It takes a lot to turn your child against yourself, and then you have no one else to blame but your self. I learn from my child everyday how to be a mother. I learn to be a better person. My son, my Guru......
Its true children are resilient and forgiving.
Infact grown ups can learn a thing or two about patience, persistence, forgiveness, about trust and faith. I believe if we parents could just forget for sometime, the difference in our age between us and our children, and treat them just as we would treat another adult in our space, just as another individual, if we set aside our ego that tells us we know more, we know better than them, then we would open our lives to a teacher no Guru, no spiritual leader or even books could teach you. My son made me a mother, he taught me unconditional love. That was just the beginning. Everyday as I observe him and talk to him , he teaches me something new. A perspective that changes my life. Just the other day, He wanted to know why I had stopped painting. I sighed, and told him I miss painting but since now three of us were there , there was not enough space for me to paint as oil painting needs arm space, on and on I droned feeling rather sad I had to give up my hobby. He looked at me with his big bambi eyes and said so what you can paint on the floor. He waved his arms about and kind of measured out my canvas in the air and said, see it will fit.
I agreed half heartedly. He then admiringly said, you paint so beautifully mamma would you teach me? I so wanted to impress my child so I said sure lets paint together. He chose water colors and I chose oil pastels. we took our oil papers and got down to work. It was one of the most beautiful times I had. I was absorbed in drawing. I wasn't bothered about impressing him with forms and style so I picked bright colors and colored my heart out. After a gap of 3-4 years I had painted again. This diwali he got me a " painting set" ( a few canvas boards and some colors) wrapped in beautiful silver wrapping paper and I choked. I hugged my tiny angel. Of all the people in my life, he is he one who listens, absorbs and gave me a present that no adult yet has managed. He reads his Roald dahl books as I read my books, he was patient with me when I was low and did not want to play games with him.
On forgiveness what can I tell you, he makes it simple when I'm wondering whether to call up a friend I've not been in touch with, he says just call!! I did call and spoke as he speaks with honesty and directness and the friends I'd withdrew from during my divorce phase are back in my life. When I get upset with him for not eating his breakfast quickly enough, I expected him to come home sulking from school but he comes home beaming as usual, ever ready for a hug.
He taught me to ask for what I want, as though its my right, he doesn't meander, he just says i need a hug, make me a new song, play with me, I want to eat sausages tonight. Its simple. Their is no room for miscommunication.
I could go on and on and I probably will in another blog, but coming back to childhood traumas, we adults crumple, stomp on this beautiful spirit, try our level best to mould them as we think a child should be like, say cruel things, labels them as slow or stupid and these belief systems stay with the child long after the body has grown up. Parents give rise to PAB ( passive aggressive behavior) leading a child into an endless loop of self sabotage. At worst we create sociopaths. It takes a lot to turn your child against yourself, and then you have no one else to blame but your self. I learn from my child everyday how to be a mother. I learn to be a better person. My son, my Guru......
...of chocolates and butterflies ... of kites and toy carts .... childhood and children are the most important part in all our growth .... it true we keep growing till we die and they are our best teachers ... this small paragraph tells us that just by being alert we learn from every where ... this is a brilliant piece of emotional wake up call for all parents :)
ReplyDeleteI loved this piece. It has honesty and insight. The part about adults trampling on children's spirit just makes me sad. :(
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